“Someone’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality.” -Les Brown
Her Name Was Bella
It was the summer of 2012 and I was taking night classes to finish my Bachelor’s degree. I remember walking into my English class and catching a glimpse of a woman who looked absolutely flawless.
Her beauty caught me off guard. And when she glanced back at me, I immediately looked away like a shy little boy. At first, I couldn’t believe my eyes. I remember thinking, “She can’t be that pretty.”
On that first day, I sat right behind her. Not only was I late for class, but I had also mistakenly missed the first week. I remember the professor asking me to introduce myself. That’s when she turned around to look at me and I realized my first thought of her wasn’t a mistake.
She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in person.
We Became Friends (That’s It)
Bella and I became friends instantly. I want to say it was because we may have had an initial attraction to one another. We just hit it off from the beginning. But, I was so nervous and worried about being rejected by her I never asked her to meet with me outside of class.
Instead, I resigned to texting her throughout the week until the next class date. I also feared that if I made my intentions clear she would think I was weird and she wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore.
Because of that, I just decided the best thing I could do is wait for the end of the semester to ask her on a date. That way, if she turned me down and decided never to speak to me again we wouldn’t have to awkwardly see each other in class every week.
So I waited. It was only 12 weeks.
She Broke My Heart Into Pieces
At the end of 12 weeks, I finally had the intestinal fortitude to tell her what she meant to me and how I wanted to be more than friends.
Sike! I got drunk. And on the way home from the bar around 2am I accidentally, but purposely, texted her song lyrics that expressed how I felt about her as a 26 year old adult male. Silly? I know.
A few minutes later she replied, “Marc, I thought we were friends?” Immediately my heart shattered. Bella had no interest in me beyond friendship.
Why Not Me?
I couldn’t understand why she wasn’t interested in dating me. Prior to Bella, my success rate with women was considerably high. I’ve been told throughout my life that I’m a good looking guy.
On top of that, Bella would always compliment my intelligence and say things like, “You’re so smart” and “You’re going to be very successful one day.”
So, why not me? I really beat myself up about this question.
By turning me down she was essentially saying I wasn’t good enough for her. Although those words never came out of her mouth, I took them to heart. I allowed Bella’s perceived opinion of me to bring my self-esteem to an all-time low.
Not only was I not good enough for Bella. I was no longer good enough for myself.
I had given my power away.
You Are 1 of 1
Too often we give others power over our thoughts, actions, and emotions. We have this propensity to want the acceptance of others. So, we place a tremendous amount of weight on the opinions of those individuals we believe to be more important.
Then, when we are shunned or put down by them we feel as though our value has decreased. But this belief is fictitious. It’s not real.
Do you know why the price of gold has stayed relatively the same over the last few thousand years? It’s because there is only so much gold in the world. When gold is lost or destroyed, what is left becomes even more valuable!
Now think of this in terms of a $100 bill. If I put the bill in the middle of my palm and I crumpled it up, then dropped it on the ground, would you want it?
I’m sure you would! Because no matter what I do to it, it’s still worth $100. So, how come when we get beat down, dumped, or crushed by life we feel as though it means we’re less valuable?
In reality, you are no less than you were prior to the event. You are 1 of 1, never to be replicated or duplicated again in this lifetime. You are literally a rarity in this world.
God’s Got Something Great Waiting On You
I wasn’t right for Bella, so what? There is someone out there that I’m perfect for. On top of that, I believe when God doesn’t give you what you want, it’s because he has something greater in mind.
What I experienced wasn’t the result of not being good enough. God was showing me what is out there for me. Bella may have been the most beautiful woman in the world to me at the time, but she was really just a lesson.
Since meeting and becoming friends with Bella, I don’t get nervous around beautiful woman of her caliber anymore. Which proves in every lesson is a blessing.
Now, not only am I thankful for having met Bella, I love her. It is through my experience with her that I’ve been able to grow into a better version of who I am today.
Just remember, you are 1 of 1 and on the other side of your failures is success. Be thankful for what is given and for what is taken away. You’ve got greatness within you.